In the first part of “The Charisma Myth,” Olivia Fox Cabane, explains that charisma is a skill; a set of learned behaviours. Charisma involves behaviour that projects presence, power, and warmth mostly through body language. Some you can control consciously but most cannot be controlled consciously. In order to project charisma, one must be in the right internal state of mind for the unconscious uncontrolled behaviours to flow naturally. There are lots of things that can negatively affect your internal state of mind and the author gives several techniques including: 1) responsibility transfer, 2) destigmatization, 3) neutralization, and 4) re-writing reality, to help regulate our state of mind during difficult times.
Having defined charisma and then given techniques to prevent our negativity bias from destroying our charisma, in this second part, the author starts off by giving us techniques to help create a charismatic mental state. They are: 1) visualization, 2) practicing gratitude, goodwill, and compassion, and 3) practicing compassion for yourself. These techniques will allow anyone to create the most common charisma inducing states of mind to take hold.
To use visualization to achieve a particular mindset you must vividly remember a time in your life when you had your desired state of mind. You must collect these memories and have them ready at hand to remember. Then, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and vividly remember your memory. Include all your 5 senses in the memory and if possible move into the position(s) you were in in your memory. This fires the mirror neurons that create a positive feed back cycle and you will soon express the appropriate body language.
To practice gratitude, create a list of things you already have and are grateful for. The list should include a range from the small things you can appreciate (your breakfast, your music, a rainbow you see etc.) to the large (your health, safety, friends, family etc.). Gratitude is particularly effective at replacing resentment, neediness, and desperation and projecting warmth and appreciation.
To practice goodwill, think of “three things you like about the person you want to feel goodwill toward.” You will then have created a general feeling of goodwill and a particular goodwill that person. Try also visualization: visualize the person as a good being – the author suggests imagining them with angel wings. A third techniques is to ask yourself in mantra fashion: “of all the option open to me right now, which would bring the most love into the world?”
The author defines compassion as empathy plus goodwill. To practice compassion add to goodwill the notion of “there but by the grace of God go I” meaning the person who needs compassion probably did not want to be in their current situation. Consider secondly how it would be like to be in their shoes right now. The third, a way to supercharge your compassion, imagine that you knew for sure that this was the last day of their life. Compassion will overflow even for your worst enemy.
Self-compassion is a particularly important need in the modern world. That inner critic that makes us feel bad works overtime in the modern world and is particularly important to neutralize. “People who score high on self-compassion also have a lower tendency for denial…the higher one’s level of self-compassion, the lower one’s level of self-pity…self-compassion is a feeling that what happened to you is unfortunate, whereas self-pity is feeling that what happened to you is unfair….Self-compassion is what helps us forgive ourselves when we’ve fallen short; it’s what prevents internal criticism from taking over and playing across our face, ruining or charisma potential.” Practicing self-compassion is a little harder than the other techniques. We need to do it both when we are alone and far away from people as well as when we hear the inner critic start to talk to us. The author recommends the Buddhist meditative prayer practice known as Metta. In a Metta you first relax in a quiet place, then warm up by thinking of a time you did a good deed, followed by visualizing a benevolent being of your choice judging you and forgiving you warmly and with compassion. finally repeat a mantra that is relevant for your spiritual goals. For practicing self-compassion the author suggest mantras such as: “You are perfect; with everything that’s in your head and heart, you are perfect; with your imperfections you are perfect…” Self-compassion is necessary for genuine compassion for others therefore for any compassion to be real one must have and practice self-compassion.
The author then begins a discussion on the four most important forms of charisma for leadership. They are: 1) focus charism, 2) visionary charisma, 3) kindness charisma, and 4) authority charisma.
“Focus charisma is primarily based on a perception of presence. It gives people the feeling that you are fully present with them, listening to them and absorbing what they say. Focus charisma makes people feel heard, listened to, and understood.” Respect for a focus charismatic comes from making others feel good about themselves. People detect focus charisma entirely from demeanor. Being in the moment with your audience is how your body gives out all the non-verbal cues that signal focus charisma. It is most useful for inspiring openness and the sharing of information.
“Visionary charisma makes other feel inspired; it makes us believe.” It is powerful because it fulfils a deep human need to rid ourselves of uncertainty; to feel secure. “Conveying visionary charisma requires the ability to project complete conviction and confidence in a cause…it is based on power. However, it is also based on warmth.” Visionary charismatics need to “feel strongly, even passionately, about their vision. And to be truly charismatic, their vision must include a certain amount of nobility and altruism.” People notice the demeanor of the person and therefore with a powerful, confident, and warm mindset anyone with an idea can be a visionary charismatic. “One of the keys to communicating your visionary charisma is getting yourself into a state of complete conviction, shedding any doubt. You can use the tools…such as rewriting reality, to strengthen your belief, or the responsibility transfer, to free yourself from the effect of uncertainty.” Visionary charisma is most useful for inspiring creativity.
“Kindness charisma is primarily based on warmth. It connects with people’s hearts, and makes them feel welcomed, cherished, embraced, and, most of all, completely accepted.” People detect it almost entirely from your body language, “specifically your face, and even more specifically your eyes.” This one may be the hardest to develop in our world. Kindness charisma may require a lot of practice specially the ones above: gratitude, goodwill, compassion, and most importantly self-compassion. “Because kindness charisma is heavily dependent on warmth, it is vital to avoid any body language of tension, criticism, or coldness.” It is best used to create emotional bonds, make people feel safe and/or comfortable.
Authority charisma is probably the most powerful. We have a tribal instinct to defer to authority. “Authority charisma is primarily based on a perception of power: the belief that this person has the power to affect our world. We evaluate someone’s authority charisma through four indicators: body language, appearance, title, and the reaction of others” body language is first but taking care of your appearance and your clothing is a close second. Titles also help but also importantly is the reaction of others. A supportive group that builds each other up can help each other project power to others outside the group. You must feel confident in the moment and use the technique above to put yourself in the right state of mind. Additionally, “To project power and confidence in your body language, you’ll need to learn how to ‘take up space’ with you posture, reduce non-verbal reassurances (such as excessive nodding), and avoid fidgeting. You may need to speak less, to speak more slowly, to know how and when to pause your sentences, or how to modulate your intonation.” It is most useful in a crisis or when you want people to listen and/or obey.
These four modes of charisma are useful for different purposes and with different contexts. “In reality, you can alternate between several modes of charisma, from one moment to the next. The more modes you master, the more versatile you can be….[It] is really just a matter of accessing different aspects of your personality and getting comfortable expressing them—we all have within us a measure of kindness or a modicum of authority. As you practice each style, it will gradually become more natural. Practice enough, and these behaviors become as easy and comfortable as brushing your teeth.”